Collateral VSD of Annie

Collateral -- The Very Secret Diary of Annie
Sickeningly twisted by Kathyque Allegra
Written by Kathy

Author's note: The writer of this parody was a little hyped up on Mountain Dew and Annie the Musical when VSD was written. Apologies to Jada Pinkett Smith for “screwing with her work”, if I may say so myself. "When I'm stuck with a day...that's grey....and lo-oh-nley.."


8:50
On phone with another lawyer. Complaining about having to stay up late tonight. Oh, cry me a river, ya big wuss. The sun'll come out tommorow.....maybe.
Hailed cab. V. handsome driver. V. funny and nice. Still on phone.
Woah....and, it's suddenly nighttime.
9:00
Got off phone....FINALLY! Now get chance to talk with "Max" the driver. Seems quite nice. A little psychic too, perhaps. Unfortuneately, not psychic enough to avoid entire movie.
Asked him to take me to law institution. Bet on whose route would get there faster. Lost.
9:20
At law institution. Told Max about pulling an all-nighter to work on Felix case. Asked if he could swing by later. Not sure if that was pick-up line or sarcastic foreshadowing.
Gave me pretty postcard of island. In return, gave him my number. Obviously, this does not happen much for Max, as saw him doing happy dance when turned back to get briefcase.
Ran into short man with coolest shades I have ever seen. Reminds me of labrador I used to own. Oh Sandy!!!!! Got into cab after me. Appeared to be taken with Max. Will kill him if he tries anything.
10:00
OMG! Am so bored. Pretty postcard. Must get more coffee.
11:00
Still bored. Wish Max would call. Craving chocolate. Stilletos getting uncomfortable. Spun in spinny chair for a while.
12:00
Nuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhh.....falling asleep on paper......can't concentrate.........must have kibbles and bits! KIBBLES AND BITS! nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggnnnnnnn.....save the whales........eeching..........la lasnxxzzzzzzzz
1:15
HOORAY! MAX CALLED!
Hm.....sounds kind of nervous. Keeps saying some man named Vincent is in my office. Could not help laughing at name. Is this some sort of joke? What's he gonna tell me next, that Lassie's in my bathroom? God, for a cabdriver he sure knows how to lose a girl. Wait, he's serious.........
Told me to call 911. Did as told....I'm such a good little orph---I mean, person!
1:18
Oops, call got cut off by mysterious power outage. Didn't even get to say where I was.
Okay, maybe Vinnie's a threat after all.
1:20
Okay, really nervous now. Very dark, vewy scawy.
Holy s---!
Has rather large, scary shadow for such a small man.
Okay.........really need to get out of here.
Waaaaaaaaaaay too much glass. Can't tell where Vince is.
Will never finish opening statement at this rate.
Come closer, Vince, I'll show you what Stilletos are REALLY built for.
1:35
Okay, crawling on floor.....not one of my brillianter of schemes.
Max! With a gun! I'm saved!
Woah, blood spurt!
Too bad it's just a flesh wound.
Ran through file room--got fake glass in eye.
Hey! Vince threw my spinny chair through glass! You better pay for that, Vinnie! Ha, he slipped.
Got into elevator with Max. Maybe will lose more than case if don't get back soon.
1:45
Got out of elevator unscathed but with too much backstory to handle. Instead of heading to street like normal people, headed to MTA station below. Not sure I like this......
1:47
Running through MTA. Damn Stilettos! Vince runs awfully fast for guy with spurting head wound. And down 16 flights of stairs too! He should go into cross country coaching if any of us make it out of here.
On second thought, he's not wearing Stilletos. He has an advantage.
On third thought, Max isn't either.
On fourth thought...never mind.
Snuck onto train while Vince not looking.
HA! Too late! Pulling away! Bye bye, Vinnie! So long, Max's other interest in this film.
1:52
....Or not! Vince seems to have leapt 6 ft onto back of train. He really is in the wrong profession.
Had to run through 6 or 7 cars. Has been chasing us.
2:01
Crap. Train stopped. Not sure whether this is good or bad.
Well, considering scary coyote man standing outside with gun, I'd say bad.
2:05
Train started again. Not lucky either--we are in last car. I fear this is the end.
Max stepped in front of window to faceoff with Vince. Is fighting for me! Or maybe just wants to duke it out with Vince once more.
2:06
Had shooting fest in blackout. Vince got a little too frisky with Max. Kicked him. Guess Vince is losing more than he expected too.
Thank God I know hopkido.
Lights back on, Vince outta bullets. Little does he know that I took spare bullets when he wasn't looking. Sucka!
2:07
Am now feeling bad for Vince. AAAAAW! looks so cute with puppy-in-distress face on. Feel bad for kicking him. Max feels worse for shooting him. You sure that's what killed him, Max?
Not sure I like the looks they are giving each other.
2:08
Vince dead. Told him I would kill him if he tried anything. Men never do listen. Vincents are even worse.
Max v. sad. Then remembered he still had watch. Now v. happy.
Hope this doesn't come back to haunt me.
Like Collateral 2: Vincent's Revenege
or The Ghost of Vincent
or Vincent Reincarnate
Imagine a fuzzy golden retriever with cool shades and a gun.
Yeah, don't think so.
Still, never do know what those producers are thinking.
Oh, it's a hardknock life for me....